Spain's Lightning

Beware of crotch lightning!

While this hazard is unknown West of the Canary Islands, our comrades in l'Espana know full well of this electrifying phenomenon. A correspondant filed this extensive report:

Crotch Lightning: Part of a Conspiracy?

Unknown. According to El Presidente: "No pensamos que este relampago tiene un objectivo al ir a buscar las entrepiernas..." After the declaration that he and Spanish meterologists didn't think the lightning was targeting crotches in particular, the Spanish President had no further comment.

However, other politicians-- from George Bush to Dick Cheney-- tout the crotch-striking lightning as some act of terrorism, possibly from the liberal voters in Florida. "Now just because evil doesn't take place where the evil originated, doesn't mean that the bad guys don't might try to harm us," the US President elucidated.

Since the story broke a half-hour ago, R. Limbaugh corraborated Mr. Bush's theory.

On his radio show, Mr. Limbaugh claimed:

To be quite honest, when I was in Florida around the time of the voting machine fiasco, I heard some sore losers say, 'In a fair election, Gore would have won.' Now, I can't reveal these sources because we met in a dark alley where I
was um recycling shredded chads and buying some pills to help me complete this
Republican- led environmental initiative... Republican led! That's cake in the face of all those liberal sissies who think that we don't care about the environment.

When a caller asked exactly how he perceived his informants were connecting the 2000 election with this latest occurance of lighting. Mr. Limbaugh said:

I am thrilled you asked. Obviously 'Gore' refers not only to the candidate, but
also to the verb 'gore,' which means to stab or pierce. Now this links the
lightning capital of the universe, Florida, with the Running
of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain. Yes, SPAIN! Also, Ernest
Hemingway, the American literary icon who wrote extensively about this event,
lived in--you guessed it--Key West, Florida! The KEY to lightning is in the
WEST! Do you see a pattern here, people? 'Let's gore those people with lighting!' You'd have to be some moron to not see the connection.

Picture of Ernest Hemingway from LOC(http://www.loc.gov/loc/lcib/9911/heming.html )
This image was created by Wikipedia authors.

When presented with this evidence, a senior health and safety representative of the Spanish Government snorted in his cana of beer. Upon regaining his composure, he said, "We will take these theories into consideration. At present, we are mostly focused on educating the public about how to avoid this relampago."

Official Tips to Avoid Relampago Entrepierna

1. As with all lightning, your best defense is to go inside.
2. If you are crazy enough to be out in the storm-- say, on a river or in the forest-- you'd usually want to get off a mountaintop or out of the water to avoid direct hits.
3. Watch out for ground current. Don't let that frying energy find an outlet in your feet.
4. Metal is a conductor. To avoid Crotch Lightning, do not wear metal jock straps, especially during sporting events .
5. The government has placed Crotch Lightning Warning Signs at particularly dangerous places. (See picture above.) These signs are scattered throughout the country's plains. It is well known that lightning is associated with rain; also, "The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain."
6. Finally, convince US citizens to vote Democratic the next presidential election.

Just kidding.