ah

Like blue dwarf stars and geometry, these things amaze me:

This is my friend's creation.

It is made of Plexiglas and displayed on a light table.

I am in love with it.

I haven't met it in person, but I can just tell.

"So on a summer's day waves collect, overbalance, and fall; collect and fall; and the whole world seems to be saying, 'That is all' more and more ponderously, until even the heart in the body which lies in the sun on the beach says too, That is all. Fear no more, says the heart. Fear no more says the heart, committing its burden to some sea, which sighs collectively for all sorrows, and renews, begins, collects, lets fall."

Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway

Shana Tova Umetukah!

(I copied that greeting from Wikipedia, it means "A Good a Sweet Year!")

Today is Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year. Where I grew up, it meant a day off from school. Here, we don't take the day to rest, but I mentioned it twice to Sweet Sarah today because the idea of a new year and forgiveness have been on my mind this week.

It is easy for me to rush through my days without reflection; to dwell on or deny bad feelings; and to defend my actions (even when I'm not right). So often it is easy to distract myself and not sit quietly in the present.

When I woke up this morning, I thought about early morning sit spots... those meditations when all of the "to dos" of the day are put on hold and the main focus is chickadees or maple leaves. Today I will take a moment or two to throw stones in the river and think about apples and honey. It's a sweet, crisp, new autumn.

The Boss Revisited

I wish I were in Paris in 1985. When looking for Hungry Heart to see if the cover sounded real, I looked at Bruce Springsteen's videos on YouTube. Man alive. He is so awesome. And so good looking.

Jersey.

After my cousin's wedding, I wanted to go to Storm King or Dia Beacon and walk around, but my Sass and her fella didn't.

So I walked around my neighborhood. It was a crisp Saturday in New Jersey (my dad even put a fire on in the woodburning stove that night...) and I spent the day walking around the blocks... it gave me the great reminder that art is everywhere, even at Memorial Field where the peewee football team was getting blasted by its angry little coach... but that's another story.

The park down the street was hosting a "Day in the Park" party complete with balloons, hotdogs, kids swinging and sliding, and parents talking about whatever parents talk about.

It might have been the last park event of the season; during the summer there are weekly concerts at the bandshell there. Local bands usually play each week-- oldies, celtic, rock, whatever-- my folks said that Pete Seeger even played there this summer. I have vivid memories of going to those summer concerts with my family when I was little; we brought lawn chairs and we kids danced like hippies.

As I was walking back to my house, I heard some Bruce Springsteen (no joke, I know that seems too cliche to be real, but it honestly happened). At first I thought it was just someone playing it on the radio, but it seemed to echo.

Was this just the heartbeat of New Jersey coming out on this beautiful afternoon?! Nah, I think it was a cover band. I took out my camera to try to record it as I walked down the street. Unfortunately, the sound isn't as good as when I was walking (and you might suffer from vertigo watching it), but I'm glad I have proof. Lowng live da Jerse.

More Better Bikes

We had a photo shoot at last week's meeting after the kids fixed some bikes. Better Bikes is a project that we are starting within TAASC.

We are focusing on community service through offering great bicycles to those who cannot afford them in Asheville.

Here are the three steps to the Better Bikes Project:

1. TAASC students find old, but fixable bicycles (from home, from friends or neighbors, etc…)
2. Each works on his or her own bike project, learning how to fix it up
3. We help students match their bicycles with someone in the community who needs a good bike and cannot afford one.

In addition, the older kids are going to partner with other bicycle advocacy programs in Asheville to do an additional project such as making a documentary.

Connor

So my ploy to get attention resulted in more attention to a dog than to me. Fair enough, he's pretty freakin' cool. To answer the fans: no, Connor is not my dog, he is his own dog. The people who live with him are my friends who started TAASC.

Here are some facts about Connor:

• He is from South Africa.


• He didn't know what cats were, but was used to chasing monkeys on a blueberry farm.


• There is going to be a fabulous book series published about his adventures.


• He loves vienna sausages and beef jerky.


• He loves to jump completely into the air when catching tennis balls.


• He has a higher position in TAASC than I do (I am Project Manager. He is CFO...). See our staff webpage for details.


• He has his own email account. (Again staff webpage...)


• Homesick kids are comforted by him on trips. One boy said, "I wasn't going to get out of my tarp, but then Connor came to the door and wanted to play."

Asheville Has No Gas

This is not an exaggeration to get attention. For some reason, although the rest of the country seems to be taking Sunday drives and using gas-powered leaf blowers, the folks in our town have been spending hours in line to fill up their SUVs and scooters.

Today is the first day of the week that I've had to drive. While I have enough gas to last a couple of days (and hopefully won't have to wait for an hour or more when I have to fill up), I still got stuck in traffic as the cars block entire lanes of the road near the one gas station that was open.

Bicycles, people. Buses, people.

I'm engaged!

Just kidding. I'm missing comments on my blog, though, and wanted to see if this would spark some reaction...

September Photos

Some bike maintenance.

Some Connor-love.

(Relatives: I'll send you some more photos. I didn't want to have the whole world seeing our family's rendition of Jon Bon Jovi's "Livin' on a Prayer.")

A couple of wedding (yes, that one IS in a Howard Johnson).

This is our small airport. It is quite different from the one in Newark, NJ. I took this picture because I was sitting on the curb while waiting for Roomie, and thought about how I'd be run over if I did that in New Jersey. Sass made fun of those sunglasses, but I wasn't being ironic by wearing them. I think that they are rad, really.

The Office

This is my newly reorganized work space. I love it.

Yes, that is one of those desks from an elementary school. I have vivid memories of Mrs. McKinley dumping out Eddie's desk in the third grade. I will keep this neat so Trish won't come in and dump my GMAT study book on the ground.

Big work is going to happen. I can tell.

The Best Compliment EVER

At my cousin's wedding this weekend, my aunt told me that I inherited our family's dancing genes.

Wednesday Night Stream Of Consciousness

So my teeth ache and it's William Carlos Williams's birthday: Much depends on a red wheelbarrow and all that. I think I brushed too hard.

Roomie and I watched an adventure movie and I thought the search for the City of Gold was too stressful; ironically, Brett and I spoke about the Goonies and exploring yesterday. At first I said that I didn't think I would go, but rather say, "Hey guys, I'll stand watch." But then, thinking that the bad guys might get me, I would say, "Guys, I'm going with you, but I don't think this is such a good idea." Brett agreed and said that he'd bring the extra headlamps, rainjackets, and chapstick. He's prepared. SO adventuring we are going.

Still exploring the ego and on one hand, thinking that the individual is good-- the actions, preferences, beliefs of all individuals combining to make the one energy of the world. That is all atoms are recycled and that being atoms we are energy (thanks, Dr. Dyer or was it that other guy on that motivational dvd?). On the other, the idea in yoga to let go of that ego that thing that separates us from our true "selves" for the artificial illusions of the world. Still, that's hard to explain in an interview... yes, what have I done? Well let's see: because I am part of the Infinite, everything that ever has been done is linked to me in some way. Penicillin? Theory of Relativity? Hamlet and The Odyssey? Yeah, I have that potential, but it's actually a moot point because there is no I.

We're collecting beaterbikes to make betterbikes and I'm learning that you need two tire levers to take a tire off. The BioWheels guys must think I'm absurd. Stickers, tee shirts, and all that jazz to go along with fixing up bikes to donate to people. Excited about the work to come.

For now, just sleep and the real body (instead of the existential one that I left in the yoga studio tonight) to work with for an early run tomorrow.

Mixed Drinks

Tonight I was trying to explain gazpacho to my friend.

Me: It's cold soup... sort of like a Bloody Mary, but without the alcohol. And with vegetables in it.
B: So like V8?
Me: No, fresher. V8 is gross.

The conversation went on until it was obvious to my friend that the Bloody Mary part was only linked to gazpacho through the tomato juice.

Earlier in the summer this was a conversation between my nephew and his babysitter/nanny:

Her: Do you want the rest of E's ice pop? I don't know why she doesn't like it.
Him: What flavor is it?
Her: Pina Colada
Him: She doesn't like it because it tastes like sunscreen.

We laughed. It did have a strong coconut flavor like Hawaiian Tropic...

Ego

This month's theme is ego. What shapes it? Good or bad? Small experiments to test theory about ego... how do expecatations play into it? how do other people's perceptions of you play into it? Many more questions around this topic.

Lovely Rain

Tonight, all is much better in my world; I'm still ricocheting around, but am feeling less attachment to stress. I was about to rename the blog again, this time to pessi.

One thing that I did tonight was to look above my computer screen at a photograph of my friend, Kiliii, paddling one of his homemade boats. I especially love two things about this shot:

1. His slight smile.

2. The clear spray of water in front of the misty and blurred background.

Click here to see the photo. I should look at it more often.

It's raining like it should in Western North Carolina, and the morning and evening have a slight crisp in the air. Soon will be the time for heavy blankets and cardigans and borrowed mittens... but not yet, not yet. Let's keep the days long for a little while longer, and then we can take naps on some Saturday afternoons and hope for snow days on some Thursdays.

I like the flow of this poem. Enjoy.

Sonnet (1928) by Elizabeth Bishop

I am in need of music that would flow
Over my fretful, feeling finger-tips,
Over my bitter-tainted, trembling lips,
With melody, deep, clear, and liquid-slow.
Oh, for the healing swaying, old and low,
Of some song sung to rest the tired dead,
A song to fall like water on my head,
And over quivering limbs, dream flushed to glow!
There is a magic made by melody:
A spell of rest, and quiet breath, and cool
Heart, that sinks through fading colors deep
To the subaqueous stillness of the sea,
And floats forever in a moon-green pool,
Held in the arms of rhythm and of sleep.

Numanuma donde esta?

Do you know those ads that are on the side of Gmail messages? You know, the ones that match the words in your email with what you might want to buy? I just looked at the suggestions for a message I sent to a good friend.

At the beginning of the email stream, the ads were about curing shoulder or hand pain with a few called, "Hundreds of Empathy Quotes." Now, after replying a couple of times, this is what is listed:

Shoulder Pump Lawsuits Problems due to Surgery Pain Pump? Find out if you have a case.
More about...Toddler Temper Tantrums »
Toddler Discipline »
Tantrums »
Women Emotions »

Okay, so the words crying and childish might have been in the email stream, but I thought it was weird that the list also included "women emotions."

I had typed a lot more about this subject, but erased it; I think my estrogen is making me CRA Z. Just kidding. I'm just exhausted.

It's been a long couple of weeks.

Obviously.

Faceslam: To delete a friend whom you've already accepted on Facebook.

Yesterday, Lyssie faceslammed an acquaintance from high school after said "friend" joined the group "Fans of Sarah Palin."

Coping Mechanisms

What do people do when they are tired, overwhelmed, or stressed? Some people drink. Some people watch tv. Some people sleep. Some people eat. Some people meditate. Some people exercise.

Right now, after eating goat cheese and crackers, after showering and putting away my TAASC gear, after checking my email, after drinking (not enough) water, I am lying on my bed with the fan on and the windows open. I am caught between knowing that I
have two phone dates this evening,
have to finish some work for Outward Bound,
have a long list of things to do for TAASC,
have a long week ahead and another weekend of work next weekend,
have to organize my files and start some applications,

and the feeling that I just want to lie here. So I'll lie on my bed for just 20 minutes.

Jerome Show

There's a special little guy in TAASC whom we call Rambo or The Arbitor. (I think I've mentioned him before.)

Anyhow, tonight I had the pleasure to watch one of his earliest video performances, which is an interpretation of the song "Numa Numa Yay." It's worth the 1 minute 47 seconds: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u80Qbm_d8vU


I also saw the final cut of a documentary that another one of our students made on the 10 day summer trip. It's quite a bit longer (about 15 minutes) and the quality is not as good as it would be on a DVD, but it features Rambo with longer hair. In this version, he seems disgruntled and annoyed. He's really a basket full of daisies in real life, especially when the Jerome Show comes to town.

Also, I am in this movie. I look fabulous, especially as we approach Day 10. I liked the end when the boys bickered about sharing candy and feeling sick. Go to: www.vision-art-film.com and click on "Documentary" to see Asheville TAASC in ACTION.

Well

A close friend remarked that while he is learning from amazing people at work, all he does is work. No more climbing, no more cycling, no more playing music... no more feeding his soul.

As I've returned to a busy schedule, it's been interesting to try to balance work (two jobs which feed my soul in a different way and which can be all encompassing) with running, climbing, creating "beautiful things," spending time with friends, meditating, eating well, studying, sleeping and taking care of myself, and learning completely new skills.

I wonder how I can be more efficient. I wonder how to fill all of these things into the hours that I have. As I've been looking into careers and other people's lives, I realize that I would like to balance my work with other aspects of my life. My workaholic tendencies are in tension with the person that I've become throughout the last 6 or 7 years. Although I sometimes wish for that workaholic to return-- I'd be so productive!-- this tension with the other things that "feed my soul" keeps me bouncing.

So where is that balance? What are the choices that we make everyday that make our lives? What feeds the soul, really?

Words To Discuss Today

Leadership
Ego
Humility
Humidity
Smug
Creativity
Stability
Passion
Learning
Interconnected
Organization
Plans and Transition

These are some thoughts that have been rattling in some of my conversations lately. Some have to do with friends' lives; some have to do with politicians; some have to do with art and culture.

Do any resonate with you, dear reader?