I'm engaged!

Just kidding. I'm missing comments on my blog, though, and wanted to see if this would spark some reaction...

Numanuma donde esta?

Do you know those ads that are on the side of Gmail messages? You know, the ones that match the words in your email with what you might want to buy? I just looked at the suggestions for a message I sent to a good friend.

At the beginning of the email stream, the ads were about curing shoulder or hand pain with a few called, "Hundreds of Empathy Quotes." Now, after replying a couple of times, this is what is listed:

Shoulder Pump Lawsuits Problems due to Surgery Pain Pump? Find out if you have a case.
More about...Toddler Temper Tantrums »
Toddler Discipline »
Tantrums »
Women Emotions »

Okay, so the words crying and childish might have been in the email stream, but I thought it was weird that the list also included "women emotions."

I had typed a lot more about this subject, but erased it; I think my estrogen is making me CRA Z. Just kidding. I'm just exhausted.

It's been a long couple of weeks.

Enchanted

Saw the best movie tonight.

Yes. It's Disney.

Yes. Roomie and I made several phone calls to some lucky ladies and fellas.

Yes. We sang, "I've been dreamin' of a true love's kiss! I've been dreamin' of a big brown dog!"

Yes. It was enchanted.

Freedom Writers. Freedom Watching (bad movies).

The other day, my mom told me how she was watching Freedom Writers on tv (most likely while folding laundry or going through months worth of newspapers that she hasn't had time to read...).

Supposedly, Dad watched it for a minute and commented about how histrionic it was. I had to laugh when I heard this because I got sucked into watching it while staying at a friend's house. I pretended like I was doing other things and too busy to watch, but then I'd always cycle back to ask for an update. I used to do this all of the time when my sister would watch movies like Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth. She'd ask, "Katie, why don't you just watch it?" And then I'd pretend that I was above it.

To quell this pattern of snobbery, when my friend asked, "Katie, why don't you just watch Freedom Writers with me?" I answered, "Okay, but just for a minute." He snapped this photo of me 45 minutes later:
I think my picture explains how I wasn't really into that movie at all... just walking by the room on my way to read some Milton...

Although it doesn't make my top movies of the century, it was mildly entertaining. Actually, when I walk by little cubbie holes in Asheville, I wonder if some at-risk teenager is writing in a notebook in there. There aren't that many little cubbies that I've found, though.

I wonder if my mom could catch my brilliant dad with an expression like that one while watching Save the Last Dance or The First Wives Club. It's good to put your brow a little lower at times. But, as my good friend from college pointed out, a little snobbery is important in life. It's like getting the best icing on your cinnamon roll.

Overheard at West End Bakery, West Asheville, NC

Players: two boys around 6th grade. One is chubby with shaggy brown hair, the other is a rail with dark black hair. They discuss politics like seventy-year old men on the Upper East Side.

Later, chubby turns to rail and says, "You have to admit, I'm pretty good at math. I don't brag, but I am the best in my class."

Rail responds, "I guess so, but the girls like me better."

Dear Diary

Throughout my middle school to college years, I wrote in a diary about once a year. Whether I wrote because of a transition or a new year's resolution, I'd average about ten pages a year... written on one day.

After reading several quality blogs and some more disappointing ones, I vow to try to write more often. It beats using my unicorn embossed journal.

Overheard at Kings

Who: Two Women-- possibly mother (65) and daughter (35)? Italian. New Jersey.
Where: Kings Supermarket. New Jersey.
When: Around Thanksgiving
What: (With NJ accent)
Mother: "Oh, geez! These Chinet Plates are so expensive..."
Daughter: "Yeah, but they hold up to the sawce so good."

My Thoughts: Tonight we ate Manicotti with Marinara. If not for our Feista Wear, Chinet would have been my first choice in paper products.

Spain's Lightning

Beware of crotch lightning!

While this hazard is unknown West of the Canary Islands, our comrades in l'Espana know full well of this electrifying phenomenon. A correspondant filed this extensive report:

Crotch Lightning: Part of a Conspiracy?

Unknown. According to El Presidente: "No pensamos que este relampago tiene un objectivo al ir a buscar las entrepiernas..." After the declaration that he and Spanish meterologists didn't think the lightning was targeting crotches in particular, the Spanish President had no further comment.

However, other politicians-- from George Bush to Dick Cheney-- tout the crotch-striking lightning as some act of terrorism, possibly from the liberal voters in Florida. "Now just because evil doesn't take place where the evil originated, doesn't mean that the bad guys don't might try to harm us," the US President elucidated.

Since the story broke a half-hour ago, R. Limbaugh corraborated Mr. Bush's theory.

On his radio show, Mr. Limbaugh claimed:

To be quite honest, when I was in Florida around the time of the voting machine fiasco, I heard some sore losers say, 'In a fair election, Gore would have won.' Now, I can't reveal these sources because we met in a dark alley where I
was um recycling shredded chads and buying some pills to help me complete this
Republican- led environmental initiative... Republican led! That's cake in the face of all those liberal sissies who think that we don't care about the environment.

When a caller asked exactly how he perceived his informants were connecting the 2000 election with this latest occurance of lighting. Mr. Limbaugh said:

I am thrilled you asked. Obviously 'Gore' refers not only to the candidate, but
also to the verb 'gore,' which means to stab or pierce. Now this links the
lightning capital of the universe, Florida, with the Running
of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain. Yes, SPAIN! Also, Ernest
Hemingway, the American literary icon who wrote extensively about this event,
lived in--you guessed it--Key West, Florida! The KEY to lightning is in the
WEST! Do you see a pattern here, people? 'Let's gore those people with lighting!' You'd have to be some moron to not see the connection.

Picture of Ernest Hemingway from LOC(http://www.loc.gov/loc/lcib/9911/heming.html )
This image was created by Wikipedia authors.

When presented with this evidence, a senior health and safety representative of the Spanish Government snorted in his cana of beer. Upon regaining his composure, he said, "We will take these theories into consideration. At present, we are mostly focused on educating the public about how to avoid this relampago."

Official Tips to Avoid Relampago Entrepierna

1. As with all lightning, your best defense is to go inside.
2. If you are crazy enough to be out in the storm-- say, on a river or in the forest-- you'd usually want to get off a mountaintop or out of the water to avoid direct hits.
3. Watch out for ground current. Don't let that frying energy find an outlet in your feet.
4. Metal is a conductor. To avoid Crotch Lightning, do not wear metal jock straps, especially during sporting events .
5. The government has placed Crotch Lightning Warning Signs at particularly dangerous places. (See picture above.) These signs are scattered throughout the country's plains. It is well known that lightning is associated with rain; also, "The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain."
6. Finally, convince US citizens to vote Democratic the next presidential election.

Just kidding.