Draw the Line.

I have had two days off between the end of my TAASC paddling trip and pre-course planning for an Outward Bound course.  As a result, I've been taking a "I do what I want" approach to the weekend.  The only thing that I missed and wished I had not was dinner with some inspiring women on Friday night.

Yesterday was filled with reading, emailing, running, practicing yoga.  In the middle of that practice, someone knocked on the door and Tucker barked. I held the big brown dog as I answered.

I was slightly dazed when this guy in his early 20s introduced himself as Justin and said, "I'm here to have you vote for me. Just kidding. I'm part of a public speaking program and need to practice with 50 people. How am I doing so far? No stuttering or spitting?"

Although Tucker had the platypus squeak toy in his mouth,  I was glad to have him with me.  I thought about my friend who joined a group to calm his stuttering and thought that this Justin-- in his white sneakers and red striped shirt-- might be part of a similar group.  As a result, I said, "You are speaking clearly."

He went on, however, to sound like a salesman (even though at this point he didn't ask me to buy anything) when he said, "Have you ever done public speaking or want to be part of a public speaking group?" 

"Uh, no."

He: "Really?!"

At this point I didn't want to make conversation.  Because I have to make conversation with my students about topics such as paintball and Harry Potter on a regular basis, I wanted to be in a quiet place without chatter on my day off.  

So I stuttered:

I: "I'm sort of in the middle of something."

He: "This will just take a minute."

I: "I'm actually busy right now."

He: "Can I come back at a better time?"

I: "No. Good luck."

I closed the door and then spent the next 15 minutes of my yoga practice considering if that was mean... not helping out the poor guy.  However, when I met the woman who is renting my room, she said that he came by and said something about needing to sell a certain amount of magazines to win a trip to Australia.  

She assured me that it was in no way inappropriate to say no thanks to even listening to his speech.  

Later that night a few of us went out; somebody who is new to town and working at the college near my office started talking to me and said, "I can't hear so well. Can we step outside?" I said yes even though I wanted to dance to the 80s music and chat with my friends.  For the next 30 minutes I heard his whole resume and he asked me questions about my job and interests. I was not interested in getting to know him, but I didn't want to be rude.  Finally I said that I wanted to check in with my friend and needed to go home. I did not offer my number and simply said that I would be out of town for months at a time throughout the summer.

My friend asked how the conversation went, adding that I seemed engaged.  I told her that I did not even want to talk with this guy-- that he seemed nice enough but it was a drag on my night.  She said, "Next time just say, 'Actually, I want to spend time with my friends in here.'"

Ah, great catch phrase. That, along with "I don't give out my phone number" or simply saying "No" without feeling guilty or as if I need to justify it are phrases that I am practicing as I assert boundaries.  Just as DARE offered phrases to teenagers to not smoke the weed or drink the hootch, I, in my late 20s need catch phrases to tell folks to back off.  Is this normal?  

Maybe I do need a public speaking meditation class to help my stuttering problem.  Maybe-- along with catch phrases-- that class will offer mantras such as: "Being clear and assertive is not being bitchy."  Om.